seasons, hopes and elephants

sister winter. today i came home. not just "to Riga" but home with an H. as exciting as moving around, being places, events and meeting people is.. at the bottom line it's all your own thing. there is sharing and caring on the way, yes, but.. people still long to belong and that somehow takes more. though these encounters are definitely life-shaping, they still remain encounters - temporary, seemingly casual and fading. so, while i keep on growing and letting one thing lead to another i need to grab hold of something mine, be it the language (and, really, it can get so strange to use and hear it around) or the cyclamen on the window sill. my own time planning, food cooking and the whole damn little world. i have been wondering if that is a bad thing if asked about something usual you don't know how to respond because there is just no such thing as usual when everything is so moving and changing.. maybe it's even a good thing. is it?

so my home-being started with changing the light-bulb in my room. i remember noticing that it had burned out, but then i had only one more day left before the next departure and lots of things to do so i just did not care to get a new one. however, this was definitely not during my last stop-by, so it could have happened almost 2 months ago. pathetic?

at the same time, i'm amazed by my cyclamen. (no, i don't usually know plant names and care much about them, but this one's special.) i got it two years ago after moving, probably wanting to have something mine to care about. (alright, actually it was mainly because of the colour, but anyways.) i must admit, it has not been given any special treatment, except for my ongoing attention. yet that freaking thing keeps on blossoming non-stop! all the two years through! ok, once it got weak and lost some of the leaves, but hey, it recovered. and it's blossoming! right now, with the deep winter outside of the window and me having been away.

maybe this is just how people work. they run on attention. on belonging and longing. oh, those social animals. they invest and then expect, they get used to something and find themselves tied down. and yes, there are downfalls, weaker and stronger parts. there are some using those moments and some who pretend there are none. there are those who grow from bulbs and those who climb and twist round. and there are some colors that match better than others and some plants who shade and exhaust others. it is kind of a jungle out there and often written rules don't help much. the trick tip is simple: don't fail to connect. the funny part then is to pick out the ones to connect to and not question much.

music: girls with guitars and girls with pianos. i like stories.