not compatible.

A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.
  - Samuel Johnson

Sometimes the best way how to find something is not searching for it. This is how today, waiting for ggchoir's concert to begin, it popped up in my mind: not compatible. Throughout my life I have been wandering from group to group, following my changing interests and hobbies, schools, jobs and friendship circles. I understood quite soon that the feeling of not-fitting-in was always coming with me. So.. it is not the others.. it's really me. And I guess it is some kind of a choice: where to place the barriers between me/ you/ we/ us. Moreover, there's always the choice to either stay or leave.

I have had the chance to go through heaps of diverse experiences. I have felt great as a part of an "us". I have left behind, I have quit. I have been so many people, always still searching for myself. On the way, I have found people I treasure, soul-mates and friends, people who have changed me and my life.

I have come here, and this is a beautiful place to be. And I still am not-compatible, I still feel like being in the wrong place. I feel like I have to quit, to leave behind, to move on. And this is pushing me forward.

There's still a long way to go but someday... someday I will stop. I will settle.
And sometimes.. living with this thought is enough. All in good time.

Copenhagen airport, July '09